Right?!
I have neglected to post for several weeks now and my brother reminded me of this, so I figure I should get back to it!
Many positive things have happened lately and I am feeling good about the next few months.
School started off with a bang this semester like it always does. I've already taken my first exam, which I passed (barely), and my second exam is coming up in less than two weeks. What happened to the days when studying for a test meant memorizing the definitions of terms like "antagonist" and "legislature"? When making up acronyms to remember the organization of living things would earn you an 'A' in biology? Or just simply paying attention to 50% of what the teacher said in class could get you on the honor roll? For those of you who don't know, I am that person who gets offended at the sight of a 'B' and thinks about it for weeks. Anything less than an 'A' is a personal attack on my character.
How quickly things change!
Not to say that I don't still get offended, but I am happy just to get that 75 (although I still think it's a bit evil that now it's 75 instead of it forever being 70 before and now I actually need the 5 extra points). I must admit that I am still not back into the full swing of school this semester. It always takes me a few weeks to really commit myself 100% to studying and realize that school is my ENTIRE LIFE for the next 10 months. And then I think, 10 months?! That's it?! I can commit to anything for 10 months and I should really stick my head in a book (instead of writing this, perhaps? Nooo... :)) Afterall, the more I learn now, the more successful I will be later... and besides, I love every minute of school, I just have a serious undiagnosed case of ADD and studying have never really been my forte. I have to say that I must be doing something right because I received and accepted an invitation to the college's honor society this week. Hey, hey, hey and I get to wear spiffy gold cords at graduation.
Nearly three weeks ago, my newest nephew was born to my brother and sister-in-law. They live in Austin, about a 4 hour drive south from where I live, and Daniel and I travelled down for his birth. We were only able to spend 2 short days there, in which time I fell in love with this precious new life and came to the realization, yet again, that distance between family is really unbearable. I live a 30 minute drive from my mother and my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and niece and Daniel's parents live less than an hour away; even though we don't see them all of the time, the option to plan a get-together in a days notice or drop-by for an impromptu visit is really a great luxury. I often find myself wishing we lived closer to my brother and his family, or that they lived closer to all of us, rather, and this feeling was particularly apparent a few weeks ago on the drive home from meeting my baby nephew.
The conflict comes when I tell you that Daniel and I have serious intentions of moving out of the country when I graduate and after we get married. We both picture making a life there, traveling and, most importantly, taking advantage of many opportunities that Europe has to offer and America does not. We fantasize about our life over there, I find myself feeling jealous of people who live there and it saddens me, no depresses me, when I think about not moving there. That said, just a few short weeks ago, sitting in the passenger seat of our car as Daniel drove us away from that little baby, I began to cry thinking about a life in which I would live so far away from my nephews and niece. A life in which I could not be an aunt.
I've only been an aunt for 3 and a half years, beginning when my first nephew, my sister's son, was born. That was the first time I had ever felt love like that. The kind of love you can't describe, it can only be experienced and felt first-hand because it is so wonderful and instant and deep and fragile. It almost makes you feel like your sole mission in life is to never let that beautiful being down; like your only purpose is to make sure that baby grows up with as much love and support as you can give it. Of course in planning to move away, the one issue I have with the whole idea is leaving my family. That was always the issue for me. Not to say that living across an ocean from my mother, brother and sister wouldn't be hard, but living across an ocean from my nephews and niece would be nearly impossible. I've known my siblings and my mother all my life. I am confident that I could maintain a relationship with them, even living thousands of miles away from them, no problem (well, sure, it would pose problems, but nothing that would change our relationships with each other).
Moving thousands of miles away from tiny people that I haven't even gotten to know yet would most likely break my heart into a million pieces. If we lived in England or in Germany, I couldn't pick Logan up from school on a Wednesday afternoon and go to the park then to get ice cream. I wouldn't be able to have Laine over for a slumber party so we could bake cupcakes and paint our nails. I couldn't have Grayson stay at our house for a week in the summer to swim everyday and camp out in the backyard. I wouldn't truly know these children or watch them grow up and I don't think I could stand not being their favorite aunt (hehe).
That's why a compromise was born.
Daniel and I still plan on moving to Europe, but only for a fixed period of time. The plan is for me to perhaps be a traveling nurse and sign on for a 2, 3, or 4 year contract (obviously depending on what is going on or what can be done) and then come back! It's quite funny actually that this makes me feel better because, afterall, we could decided not to come back once we are there, but I think that having the mentality that we will only be there for a short while makes all of the difference (in my mind, anyway!) That way, we can have the best of both worlds! We can experience new lands and travel for several years and still get back in time to be aunties and uncles:) Right? Riiiiight???
Well, it all sounds good in theory... we shall see!
I'm cutting this short (ha) cause it's my bed time.
Til next time,
Take Care.
